And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
