I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
