never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
