Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
