you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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