I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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