Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
