He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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