The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am naked and annoyed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize