AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize