I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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