Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
