all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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