a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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