Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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