Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
