This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
