the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
