so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize