Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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