sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize