make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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