I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
