bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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