just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
