The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
