I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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