the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
