Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
