you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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