bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize