her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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