Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
