Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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