Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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