Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
