my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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