My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
