I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
