i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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