Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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