she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
