I hate all girls vehemently.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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