One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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