The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
