on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
