If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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