I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
