im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
