You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
