I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
