I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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