the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
