I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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