just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
