Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
