I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That's intense
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
