I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
