So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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