I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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