Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
