he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
