the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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