census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
