I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
