Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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