The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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