I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
