So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
