There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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