I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
