I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
